How much action description is too much and how much is not enough? Well, for me I always think in terms of visual presentation. Ask yourself this question, "can I picture the action sequence as I have written it?" But, do not use this as an excuse to ramble on about details on how a muscle is flexing or a neck is "bulging", be effective in your presentation and no more. Often your best action description lines should be taken out.

Your audience is intelligent, sophisticated, so treat them as such. Describe the action "visually". Use action that fits the situation and make it believable.

So I want to emphasize this: first, your audience is the main concern. They must care for, or sympathize with the protagonist. The scenes above didn't in anyway connect you to the characters, hopefully by that point in the script I already have. My all time favorite action flick, Die Hard accomplishes every element that I'll discuss.

The very first thing is, "do we care about the protagonist?" I mean really, is he/she a person we can relate too, respect and care for?

Here is an unforgettable sequence that makes us (the audience) care about, and feel sorry for McClane:

311     INT. BATHROOM                                         311

                                POWELL
                 I'm here, John.

        McClane tries walking on his foot.  He winces in pain, clearly
        at the end of his resources.

                                MCCLANE
                        (long pause)
                 Look...I'm getting a bad feeling up
                 here...I'd like you to do something
                 for me.  Look up my wife...don't ask
                 how, you'll know by then...and tell
                 her...tell her...I've been a jerk.
                 When things panned out for her, I
                 should've been behind her all the way
                 ...We had something great going until
                 I screwed it up...She was the best
                 thing that ever happened to a bum
                 like me.  She's heard me say I love
                 you a thousand times, but she never
                 got to hear this...honey...I'm sorry.
                        (pause)
                 You get all that?

                                POWELL
                        (clearly touched)
                 I got it.  But you can tell her
                 yourself.  Just watch your ass and
                 you'll make it.

                                MCCLANE
                 I hope so.  But that's up to the
                 guy upstairs.
                        (pause; struck by
                        a thought)
                 Upstairs...
                        (thinking, to himself)
                 ...Hans, you bastard...what were you
                 doing?

                                POWELL
                 Roy?

                                MCCLANE
                 Stand by, Powell.  I gotta check
                 something out.

        He moves towards the door, limping hurriedly out of the room.

This comes 3/4 of the way through the movie. But it drives home our feelings for this poor bastard. Everyone has faults and right away we realize that John McClane has his. He smokes, he curses and he has bad manners. But most importantly, he has not been there for his wife, the most important person in his life. And now, perhaps too late, he has realized this. Ahh, what a human thing it is to realize something too late...we have all done it, and so has this excellently constructed character. This is brought home by the sequence above. If you weren't cheering for John before this point, you sure were after.

And think about the character, John McClane? Now, how normal and average can a name get? Right away we identify with that. Here's a hero with a name that sounds, well, normal. It's not, "Bond, James Bond". It's not "Dutch," or "Ace", it's simply John. Just good old John. I like the name John, I've known lots of guys named "John" and they've pretty much been good guys.

So, we know that having a good guy that we like is important. We also know that action sequences should be believable and sound. Okay, so what about humor? Once again, I'll let my favorite movie show us the way.

Now, while you're killing off people in your script, or after, it is usually a good idea to break up these types of emotional sequences with humor. It is not always pleasant to watch people die, or assume someone bites it, so always keep this in mind. A good screenwriter is able to be intelligent and witty while being hard-core and nasty:

188-C   VARIOUS SHOTS - TERRORISTS - ON OTHER FLOORS          188-C

        All now with earplugs in their CB's, taking up positions:

189     AT THE LOBBY DOOR                                     189

        The SWAT team leader moves in SOP style to the door, scans it
        carefully.

189-A   EXT. CENTURY CITY - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON -        189-A
        POLICE BARRICADES

        Mitchell listens to CB radio.

                                RIVERS
                        (over radio)
                 We're in position.

        Mitchell looks at Robinson, who is visible tense.  Robinson
        hesitates, then gives his approval with a nod.

                                MITCHELL
                        (to CB)
                 Go.

190     QUICK SHOTS - INSIDE THE LOBBY                        190

        The SECURITY CAMERAS on the walls PAN and ZOOM:

191     THE VAULT DOOR                                        191

        Kristoff DRILLS AWAY, is rewarded with the message FIFTH LOCK
        DEACTIVATED.  DO YOU WISH TO CONTINUE?  Nearby, Theo sits at
        a bank of monitors.  Screen after screen pinpoints all the
        police activity outside, down to the last detail.  Theo SMILES.
        Suddenly we RECOGNIZE that tune he's been whistling.  It's
        "Singin' In The Rain."

                                THEO
                        (into a throat mike)
                 It was the night before Xmas, and
                 all through the house, not a creature
                 was stirring, expect for the four
                 assholes coming in the rear in
                 standard 2 X 2 cover formation.

192     INT. LOBBY - NIGHT                                    192

        Eddie and another terrorist, ULI, take up prone firing
        positions, using the gaps in the steel partition like gunpoints.

193     ANGLE ON TWO SWAT OFFICERS                            193

        Mitchell and Robinson watch from behind the cover of a police
        car as the SWAT officers remove a portable welding torch and
        begin cutting their way through the locks.

194     INT. 33RD FLOOR - MCCLANE                             194

        He moves painfully to the window and looks out.  He can't see
        a thing because of the lights.

                                MCCLANE
                        (to himself)
                 No...

195     EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON     195

        Suddenly rifle fire sounds from the building.

                                ROBINSON
                        (worriedly)
                 They're shooting at them

                                MITCHELL
                        (calmly)
                 It's panic fire...they can't see
                 anything.

                                POWELL
                        (under breath)
                 They're shooting at the lights.

        More shots ring out from the building going over the SWAT
        officers' heads and suddenly the huge dome of one of the
        spotlights shatters behind Mitchell and Robinson's head.
        The glow fades.  A moment later the next light twenty feet
        away dies.

                                ROBINSON
                 They're going after the lights!

        The two SWAT officers cutting the garage ate suddenly look up
        as their cover starts to disappear.

                                ROBINSON
                 Call them back.

                                MITCHELL
                 No, they're almost in.

        Suddenly the third and fourth lights are shot out and the SWAT
        men become sitting ducks.

196     IN HOLLY'S OFFICE - HANS                              196

        He calmly speak into his CB.

                                HANS
                 Don't get impatient.  Just wound them.

197     INT. LOBBY                                            197

        Eddie and Uli fire.  They hit one of the officers in the leg,
        the second one in the arm.

198     EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON     198

                                MITCHELL
                        (on radio)
                 Send in the car!

        An armored car wheels toward the building and starts toward
        the wounded men.

199     INT. ROOF-MACHINE ROOM/SERVICE ELEVATOR - SAME        199

        JAMES and Alexander quickly load two crates onto the service
        elevator and push the button for the 3rd floor.  As the car
        starts down, they remove an anti-tank gun from one of the
        crates.

200     WITH THEO - WATCHING SCREENS                          200

                                THEO
                 Well, what have we here.  The
                 police've got themselves an R.V.
                 James, Alexander, southeast corner.

201     INT. 3RD FLOOR - SAME                                 201

        The service elevator arrives on the 3rd floor and James and
        Alexander move across the room toward the windows with the
        anti-tank weapon.  At the window, they prepare the weapon
        for use.

        Outside the window the armored car has stopped in front of the
        wounded man and paramedics quickly load them in from the
        sheltered side of the vehicle.  Alexander quickly sights on
        the armored car.

                                ALEXANDER
                        (to Hans, CB)
                 I have them

                                HANS' VOICE
                        (o.s., over CB)
                 Fire.

202     EXT. THE ARMORED CAR                                  202

        A blast ROARS from the third floor window and the shell hits
        the armored car.  The car pitches forward like a beast whose
        front legs have been shot out from under it -- its front axle
        destroyed, unable to move.  Alexander looks back at James and
        grins.

203     30TH FLOOR - HANS                                     203

        He watches from his window.  Coldly picks up his CB.

                                HANS
                 Hit it again.

204     MCCLANE                                               204

        listening.  He picks up his CB.

                                MCCLANE
                 Hans, you motherfucker, you've made
                 your point.  Let them pull back!

                                HANS' VOICE
                 Thank you Mr. Cowboy, I'll take it
                 under advisement.  His it again.

        McClane slumps to the floor below the window.  He feels
        helpless, then notices his kit bag.

205     3RD FLOOR                                             205

        James runs back to the crate on the elevator.

206     EXT. POLICE BARRICADE - ON ROBINSON AND MITCHELL      206

        They look on in horror as the armored car sits helplessly on
        fire.  On the police radio channel we HEAR the screams of men
        inside.

                                MITCHELL
                        (to radio)
                 Rivers!  Rodriguiz!...Report...

                                RIVERS
                        (voice over; on
                        radio, yelling)
                 This is Rivers.  We've got one dead.
                 Everybody's hit.  Rodriguiz's bleeding
                 bad.  We've got to get the fuck out of
                 here!

                                MITCHELL
                        (to radio)
                 Rivers, hang on!  That's an order!
                 Hang on, we'll get you out.

207     INT. ELEVATOR CAR - 3RD FLOOR - SAME                  207

        James opens the box of shells and takes two and starts back
        across the room.

208     INT. 33RD FLOOR - CLOSE ON A SHAPE ON PLASTIC         208
        EXPLOSIVE - SAME

        Like a football.  It sits on the seat of a secretary's chair
        with castors.  We PULL BACK TO SEE McClane press three
        detonators into the top, then cover the explosive with a
        typewriter, tying it securely in place with electrical cords.

209     ANGLE ON SERVICE ELEVATOR - MCCLANE                   209

        wheels the chair to the service elevator, opens the door and
        block them with a fire axe.  He looks in -- the top of the car
        can just be seen thirty-five floors below.

210     INT. 3RD FLOOR                                        210

        James hands the shell to Alexander, who expertly loads it into
        the anti-tank gun. Alexaneder lifts the  gun to his shoulder
        and aims.

211     INT. 38TH FLOOR                                       211

        McClane push the chair into the shaft.

                                MCCLANE
                 Geronimo...motherfuckers.

        For a long moment there is nothing, then:  the shaft is filled
        with light, then SOUND -- an ungodly ROAR -- and McClane is
        thrown back across the elevator corridor against the other
        back of doors by the concussion wave.

212     ON THE 3RD FLOOR                                      212

        The explosion, like a firestorm, rips across the floor:

213     BLOWING OUT THE MACHINE GUN NEXT AND JAMES AND        213
        ALEXANDER

214     SHATTERING WINDOWS                                    214

215     SENDING DESKS, CHAIRS, PHONES, AND TYPEWRITERS        215
        FLYING

216     EXT. AVENUE OF THE STARS                              216

        The police take cover behind their cars.  Powell, Robinson,
        and Mitchell look like they've seen the face of God as the
        building rocks from the blast.  Henry's cigarette falls from
        his mouth as a desk is sent hurtling across Avenue of the Stars
        into the trees across the street.

217     INT. UNDERGROUND PARKING GARAGE - ON WILLIAM - SAME   217

        watching it on TV, feeling it all around him.

                                WILLIAM
                 Oh, Jesus...

This is a long sequence, but within this intense scene is humor, throughout all of it. If you can't picture it and hear it, then I suggest renting the damn thing and follow along. Humor: it is essential in a good action script, end of point.

Also, take note, on line 188-c, the description of this action line is very basic:

VARIOUS SHOTS - TERRORISTS - ON OTHER FLOORS

For my ending thoughts, please remember that action/adventure screenwriting is not simply testosterone and machoism, it is humanism and whit combined with tough-guy stuff.

Come back next month for: Lethal Weapon stuff....